VR is Gamifying Dating & Sex: How & Where To Play


Dating is a form of entertainment. Swiping left or right in a speed dating or a hook-up marathon is fun, easy, and efficient. No one has time for the hours of personal investment that it takes to get to know someone and later find out the relationship was a waste of time. We are an instant gratification society. Digital dating profiles are relationship resumes that promote compatibility through featured self-promotions and clever one-liners summing up who we are as a person. You know all you need to know in ten minutes of witty banter.  You quickly find out if you are on the same page and would make good bedfellows or vet the candidate for a stellar relationship.

The world has extended beyond the six square blocks we kicked around in 1980-something. Between the age of Pac-Man and the Nintendo Zelda craze, there was a time when we found our friends’ location by riding around the neighborhood and counting how many bikes were stacked outside a house. The internet’s dominion over distance brought proximity to what was once on the other side of the globe.  We have come a long way from the agonizing minutes of AOL’s intense dial-up and fiberoptic foreplay vibrating the speakers with groans and high-pitched squeals of connection.  

If you were a teenager with a curfew, there was no muffling the noise of the internet from your parents.  The noise served as a parental control feature.  Today’s seamless transition from local to worldwide has had a colossal effect on who is available in the dating pool. There were limited options for dating in the past – I mean, a thousand years ago, a long-distance phone call cost money.  But now, you can date the world – even a virtual AI creature or a sophisticated graphic design. Dating is a numbers game, and baby, the odds are ever in your favor.  So, how is it we got here, and where exactly are we going?  Glad you asked!

Online Dating Origins

People-matching services using questionnaires and computer-generated matches have been around since the 1970s. But the 1994 launch of Kiss.com (now udate.com) is widely considered the first dating website. Match.com came on the scene just a year later.

online dating

Both Kiss.com and Match.com allow you to set up your profile and view other people’s profiles.  The site makes suggestions for matches, or you can reach out independently.  Both sites remind me of a catalog you can sift through, similar to what I imagine mail order bride sites are like or a build your virtual girlfriend.  The sites sparked several well-known sites today, such as:

Sites and apps evolved to be more specialized in the early 2000s, such as:

  • Seeking – which is sugar babies looking for sugar daddies & vice versa
  • Grindr – focusing on bisexual/gay/trans relationships 
  • 3ndr – focusing on polygamy relationships
  • Ashley Madison – focused on extramarital affairs

This is not even close to an exhaustive list.  I intend to do a blog with an evaluation of hundreds of dating apps, but that is a conversation for another time. Undoubtedly, more have sprung up since posting this blog. With so many platforms, you wonder exactly how many people are using them?

How Many Fish Are In The Dating Pond?

Over 40 million Americans participate in online dating. Not surprisingly, it is the 2nd-most common way to meet people. Interestingly, 88% of people have sexted (sent explicit sexual wording, videos, or pictures). Interestingly, the majority of sexting occurs when people are out and about at the grocery store, running errands, or at work. The next time you observe someone in the center of the aisle paused with 

a stoic look on their face, furiously clicking away on their keyboard, you are likely witnessing an afternoon delight. After all, 8 out of 10 people sext frequently. Because of the popularity of sexting and chatting, dating apps generally come with a way to entertain both types of activity.  Below are some of the more popular ones.

Apps have made it easy to navigate the dating world network and hook up. Participating in online activities is not a male-dominated sport.  Over 75% of women enjoy social networking online from the comfort of their own homes. Anonymity provides a sense of security to engage in conversations and with people that women may not have approached otherwise.  Unfortunately, you don’t always know who exactly you are talking to.  One constant problem in online dating that happens so frequently a specific word was created:  Catfishing.


Are There Catfish Swimming In The Dating Pond?

It is worth noting that 81% of the dating population lies about their age, weight, or height.  There are worse things.  Dating sites are notorious for luring people in on lies.  Predators and pedophiles frequent chat rooms earning confidence to destroy lives. MTV’s show Catfish has confronted several individuals who were not who they portrayed to be and has published the statistics of what they have found.  The show is credited with bringing to light the dangers of dating to all generations that take part in the platforms.  

In 2018, the FBI showed that 18,000 people were victims of catfishing, with losses exceeding more than $362 million.  The amount of victims is believed to be underreported because many don’t come forward due to the intimate nature and embarrassment.  The 2018 numbers were up 70% from the previous year, and numbers keep going up.  Some astonishing facts:

  • 64% of catfishes are women, making men 25% more likely to be catfished
  • 73% of predators use someone else’s photo
  • 53% of Americans admit to false information on their online profiles
  • 51% of online daters are already married or in a relationship
  • 83 million Facebook accounts are assumed fake

With the pandemic and more people thrust into the online world, the catfishing numbers are likely skyrocketing.

Don’t Fall Victim To A Catfish Tips

Google Image Search

Google has a feature that I like to refer to as the great equalizer.  You can take someone’s photo that they provide or in their profile and search the image. Then, Google will show you where that photo appears on the internet, like advertising stock photos or someone else’s social account.

  • Click on Google Images
  • Click Search Image
  • Past the URL where the picture is (in most cases, you can right-click, copy and paste)

Meet In Real-Time Via Media Platform

Several platforms allow video conferencing in real-time such as Skype, Zoom, Google, Line, and some dating apps and sites.  Utilizing these services to meet can save you a lot of heartache in the future and give you a more concise story of what you are dealing with.

Run A Background Check

If things are moving along in an online relationship, and you are ready to meet in person, do a simple background check.  Several websites will perform this service for you for a nominal fee, such as InstantCheckMate.

Be Smart & Take It Slow

Be cautious.  Don’t give money, address, personal information, etc.  Don’t put yourself in a situation where you will be victimized.  Always meet in public once your date has passed the previously mentioned scans.  There are no 100% safeguards in any relationship, so err on the side of caution.  

Starting To Virtual Reality Date: The DEI of Sex

In 2020, a series called Upload was featured on Amazon Prime. The storyline is after you die, the entire essence of your ‘self’ is uploaded to a server. This server is a virtual world like heaven for those with money. The dead can communicate with the living through virtual reality (VR). They can even have sex with the dearly departed. Special suits would be worn that allow them to feel everything during the encounter.  This is where I believe we are going, sex in a suit. There are already suits that allow you to feel and sex toys that work remotely through wifi, so why not?  You can see our remote toys by clicking [here].

Virtual Reality worlds demolish limitations. We can be ourselves, but we can be anything we want. Do you want to bang a blue alien? Done! You don’t need another person; virtual reality robot creations fill in the blanks. The landscape is also unlimited.  Dating just leveled up.  If you want to go to the moon, Greece, on top of Mount Everest. The virtual world is vast and limited. VR  breaks the mold and allows people with physical limitations who would not be able to experience certain sexual intimacies- to do so.  VR conquers some of the challenges of long-distance dating.  What about conjugal visits for inmates?  Elderly couples?  Did we just become a world free for all amateur group porn?  VR is possible the most diverse, equitable, and inclusive place for sex, dating, and everything in between.

Are these experiences less real because you are immersed in VR? Is this enough to elevate your Facebook page to ‘In A Relationship? You can feel everything without risk of injury or disease with no accountability. There is no accountability unless you put that on your own. Studies are being conducted.  

VR Hookups and Stress Relievers

VR dating is perfect for career-focused individuals who want sexual encounters without the complications of a relationship.  Sign on at your convenience, see who or what is available, and walla, sexcapade!  To leave, unplug.  It doesn’t get the sheets messy, so there’s no sleeping in the wet spot and no awkward silence waiting for their taxi ride home.  Quick and easy.  

For other sexplorers, an avatar’s anonymity allows them to open up more than they would in person or approach people they may never have approached in real life.  If you don’t hit it off with someone on a blind date, you are not trapped in VR; you simply unplug. If you are a person of limited means, your horizon opened with VR in endless places to go and things to do.  You can take a date to virtual places and experience things that you would not be able to entertain in real life.  

If you met ‘the one,’ you can have a VR wedding where the entire family of 500 can attend an open bar.  What if you meet two Ms./Mr. Rights? Is there polygamy in VR?  In Cosmopolitan magazine, will we see articles detailing ‘Ten Ways to Keep Your VR Man’ or ‘50 Ways To Keep Your Lover through Morphing’? Complexity enters the equation.

Social VR Sex & Dating Consequences

Social, ethical, and moral guidance isn’t easy in VR. There are basic game/world developer codes; however, Big Tech rules the world, and they run primarily by consumer demand. Lately, it has been like building a plane in the air. You can report offensive behavior, content, and threats defined by developer rules, but is polygamy a threat or a preference? Is dating ten people at once an offense?  Or is it a misunderstanding or a difference in perspective?  Since VR is not real-world, the same rules technically do not apply.  How real is it?  Do the emotions make it real?  Are there emotions? 

People from different countries, cultures, and beliefs are thrown into one area of the general virtual population, making for an exciting dating pool. Of course, people want the safety of conformity to societal laws.  But what laws?  The state you live in?  The country they live in?  Is there Judge Judy in VR?  I would pay to see that. If VR is not real, but your feelings are, are you owed restitution for the injustice of your experience?  How do you measure such a thing?  Does this give you the right to sue?  The possibility of being sued if you were unaware you broke someone’s heart?  To be banned?  Do you settle in Bitcoin or NFT in a Metaverse court?  Does this impact real-life with penalties or just VR life?

These are questions we may have to answer relatively soon.  Today we have the minimal equipment to achieve a devoted mental state while immersed in VR.  The virtual Sex Eden hasn’t been created yet, but we all know it will be.  Virtual porn and a few teaser sites are already pioneering. The more VR saturates everyday life, the more we engage it to seek emotional or sexual gratification.  VR becomes a tool to escape the world we live in.  Reality will likely change its code of conduct to react to what has taken place in VR. Simply said, laws are generally reactive, not proactive.  It will be VR shaping us, not the other way around.  Virtual Reality will shape our reality.  Ironic, isn’t it?  It’s impossible to have the foresight to know:

  • What guidelines need to be set
  • How to police and enforce these guidelines; and 
  • How to protect society at large without suffocating innovation & freedoms

Where Can I Find VR Sex and Dating NOW?

Yes, it is happening now and there are quite a few places to go to get your virtual freak on.  I am delighted to share what I have found with all my fellow sexTech nerds out there. So we got it going on (devil emoji) (eggplant emoji) (peach emoji) send!

  1. Titan VR by Kiiroo is fun for one – or TWO players!

For under $200 (they can set you up on a payment plan), you can get the system ad the lube.  This is an immersive experience with a vibrating interactive sleeve with NINE bullet vibrators.  Titan has all the virtually erotic dimensions that you could ask for. 

The danger here is you may never leave the house again.  The pleasure doesn’t end there – another person can join – now it’s a party!  This can connect with other online devices so you can feel what your partner’s device is doing or give them control. 

Titan hosts over 4,000 VR videos synced up to the toy – ooooo la la.


  1. Fleshlight Quickshot – equipped with handlebars, it’s so good!


Fleshlight is a dependable, quality name in male pleasure.  This item is a bit on the pricey side, but with 250 strokes per minute, handlebars to kick back and relax while you watch VR porn on the mount – well, that’s just priceless. 

True, it isn’t fully immersive, but it can get you there by syncing the movement with the video and programming your pleasure zones for intense sensations.


  1. Lovense – is always one of my favorites.

Lovense app and toys have left me gasping for air while trying to keep a Poker face in public.  I knew they would be coming into the VR mix soon.  Their toys are reasonably priced, and they have fun events like ‘world orgy day’ (#LovenseOrgy), where users log in and give access to their toys to other anonymous users. 

If you want to have some thrills, follow their energy and website.  Not totally VR, but not, not VR either.


  1. Nevermet – Avatar Tinder in Metaverse

Metaverse only has Avatars, and there are no personal photos allowed.  Profiles are also put under scrutiny and monitored.  The app works like Tinder, and you can chat in virtual rooms through text and even go on a virtual date.

The makers of Nevermet are not new in the social VR realm.  They have also created:

Nevermet’s potential as a serious dating platform remains to be seen, but it has attracted some big-time investors and curious, adventuresome serial daters ready to make anonymous social connections. Yes, it is a thing. You have arrived if you want to explore love and intimate relationships with an avatar.

  1. 3DXR Chat next level social intercourse

3DXR Chat is a virtual universe and virtual sex game that is intense with pleasure that incorporates VR toys with Lovense (I told you they are crafty).  There are great visuals and a community of like-minded individuals.  You can be anyone and enjoy just about anything.  It is worth a visit.  You can also hang out in the Adult VR chat world to gain some insight.

Calling All Sexologists: VR Sex Research Needs You

VR sex and pleasure aren’t one-sided anymore.  The natural evolution of technology combined with humans’ demand for sexual gratifications will prevail in creating a virtual world with all of the senses intact to enjoy the experience.  Being able to act on every impulse and fetish when you want is an exciting concept and will, without a doubt, push the boundaries of accountability for actions.  After all, if it occurred in a virtual world, a world of fantasy and indulgence, did a crime occur since VR was entered into voluntarily?  

There are VR porn games, VR dating lessons, NFT vibrators, and toys – but we will get into these fun items more in-depth in another blog.  There is simply too much digital debauchery and sinful pleasures to write about in one sitting. I hope that with an abundance of tolerance, a sense of responsibility, and the bravery to allow pioneering in a new virtual arena, VR will bring the possibility to:

  • Forge meaningful friendships
  • Participate in diverse networks
  • Strengthen communication & relationships across humanity
  • Help build a prosperous reality through shared innovation
  • World peace

And of course, blue alien sex–SIGN ME UP!

We Want Your Input

We would love to hear what you have to say about online dating experiences, things you would like to see come to fruition in sexTech, what apps you use for dating, or anything else you have to say or write about how you would or would not engage in virtual sex and dating.  Feel free to email us at service@tonquechique.com or comment on this post.  Your contribution could help aid our advocacy efforts in sexual wellness and make new services and products available.


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