BDSM: Does Daddy Want To Play on Father’s Day?

A love letter and practical guide for Daddies of all kinds

The best way to celebrate Father’s Day is with a delightful flex into the submissive mind muscle and climb into the euphoria of subspace with your Daddy, Dom, or Sir; maybe all three depending on how much energy you have (wicked smile).  This Father’s Day, give him the gift of surrender; or for dads flying solo, there are several places to experience the benefits of exerting dominance.  Before I rope you into a deep conversation about the where and why, let’s start with the basics of what.  Rope, LOL, see what I did there?  It’s an art:)

What is BDSM?

First, we should describe what the acronym BDSM means.  BDSM is an umbrella term that encompasses all acts of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, and SadoMasichism.  BDSM is a form of kink that features psychological and physical aesthetics.  Contrary to popular belief, not all players participate in each letter of BDSM.  The acronym does not stand for one practice; it stands for many.  It is helpful to go through a few terms.

  • Bondage: The restraint in the freedom to move.  For example,  using handcuffs, rope, or other items.
  • Discipline: Rules are designed, and when broken – punishment (or funishment) is levied on the rule-breaker.  Usually, this is a dominant controlling a submissive in powerplay.
  • Dominance:  Act of taking control of a submissive and accountability their welfare for in and/or outside the bedroom.  Usually, the one executing the punishments, but roles can (and do) flip.  A person comfortable playing dominant and submissive roles and enjoys both parts equally is called a Switch.
  • Dungeon: The designated place or location of a BDSM scene or play.
  • Munch: A social setting, usually in public, for BDSM and interested people to mingle and introduce themselves, like a meet and greet.
  • Scene: The designated time frame for acting out a BDSM fantasy.
  • Submission: Act of submission and being overpowered by a dominant and surrendering (in reality, this is the person in control).
  • Sadomasochism:  Sadism is feeling pleasure by inflicting pain on another (usually a dominant), and masochism is feeling pleasure when receiving emotional or physical pain (usually the submissive).

Everyone is different, and no two relationships play this game the same.  Diversity is fun!  For example, some people participate in bondage, but not dominance.  Some are into submission, but not sadomasochism.  Each domain has a sliding scale of extremes and skills within it. There are hundreds of ways to subdue a person and an extensive tool and toy list. For some people, BDSM is a lifestyle played 100% of the time, while others limit kink to the bedroom or scene.  BDSM is a world created with trust and comes in many flavors.  In future articles, we will explore domains in intimate detail and our soon-to-be Adult Play Academy.

DISCLOSURES: There are too many terms in this world for one short feature article to cover.  This article is a brief introduction to tease the taste buds and highlight deeper paths of exploration.  It is essential to point out that BDSM relationships are consensual, preplanned encounters usually coexisting with a BDSM Contract and are not spur of the moment.  Rules of Engagement are agreed upon before the scene and played out in a mental capacity free of impairment (sobriety).  This is crucial because BDSM has a certain amount of risk and aftercare that we will discuss later.  Along with the risk come benefits.

What Are the Benefits of BDSM Experiences?

BDSM has therapeutic properties intertwined with the erotic.  Not only is it a great way to keep the spice dial high in relationships, but it also builds trust, lowers stress, and improves mood, enhancing intimacy.  People in demanding, high-stress positions appreciate the release of feeling vulnerable and relinquishing control.  There is a multitude of empirical evidence showing the physiological benefits of BDSM play, including (BigThink):

  • Lower blood pressure
  • Stronger immune system
  • Better heart health
  • Improved self-esteem
  • Decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety
  • Better sleep routines

Both Doms and Subs share these benefits; however, there is also specific headspace associated with each part played.  Domspace and Subspace.  BDSM includes psychological play, and research supports a flow of different levels of consciousness during play that boost mental wellness.  Coming from someone who has felt the eruption of both mindsets, the heightened levels of senses and capacities are intense and akin to euphoria, ecstasy, and nirvana-like an other-worldly experience.

Specifically, Domspace is usually triggered by how the sub reacts to restraints, rewards, punishments, teases, and penetrations during play.  The intimacy and trust of surrender is a gift that acts as an aphrodisiac to the Dom and puts them on a high.  It is like being drunk with power – enthusiastically consented power – and having insane focus simultaneously.  This insane focus is vital to remain self-aware and practice safety, regularly checking in on the sub’s welfare.

Subspace is just as intense but on the other side of the spectrum with feelings of dizziness, transcendence, and entranced – similar to hypnotic states.  This space is usually triggered with sensory stimulation or restraint and the rush of complete surrender that comes with relinquishing control.  It’s riding the panic into a meditative state where your mind goes quiet, and you are in the moment.  For a person that is never in the moment, this is euphoric.  Research has shown that subspace is characterized by the release of endorphins and epinephrine with deep relaxation.  It is this state of disconnect that transfers accountability for the sub’s safety and well-being to the Dom.

 

BDSM Safety

Speaking of well-being for the sub, safewords are essential.  Safewords allow either party to stop the scene when they feel uncomfortable.  It is strongly recommended to have a contract detailing every part of the play that points to verbal and non-verbal safety mechanisms. For example, it is difficult to express a safe word if you have a gag in someone’s mouth. In addition, other tools such as rope cutters, keys, etc., should be ready.  Within BDSM is another level of risky behavior called Edgeplay.  Edgeplay can lead to significant bodily harm and death (greater risks) and is not advised unless you have had extensive training and experience.

How Do I Start Exploring BDSM?

If you are interested in beginning to explore BDSM, it is as easy as tugging your partner’s hair during sex.  Have a conversation. The BDSM community is diverse, welcoming, and open to dialogue regarding experiences, safety, and education.  To break the ice with your partner, the easiest thing is to have a ‘Yes, Curious, NO’ list.  

If you need assistance creating one, we can help you with that as intimacy coaches [click here] to schedule an appointment.  Sometimes, just throwing a toy or a book on the bed is enough to get a conversation rolling.  Or, watch a documentary on the kind of play you are interested in – or porn.  Some conversational items that you could throw on the bed are:

Beginner Bondage Sets

Fetish Dreams Beginner Bondage Set [click here]

Fetish Fantasy Series – Pink Passion Bondage Kit [click here]

Beginner Funishment

Beginner Electrosex Kit [click here]

Shock Therapy Nipple Clamps [click here]

Beginner Sensations

Feel Me Kit [click here]

Arouse Me Kit [click here]

Collars & Leashes

Cuffs and Collars for Him [click here]

Chained Collar w/ Nipple & Clit Clamp [Click here]

Don’t forget that BDSM aftercare is a necessity.  Playing responsibly means caring for your partner, which is part of the trust mechanism crucial in a BDSM relationship.  Aftercare is checking in with your partner’s emotional and physical needs after a scene.  

BDSM Aftercare

As previously discussed, scenes are intense, and an array of emotions are mentally and physically exhausting.  Some fantasies are also against our nature.  This means that some players like humiliation or degradation during scenes; however, they may feel a certain way about how that reflects on them as a person or as the pillar of a community.

The rush and intensity of mental and physical exertion can leave you weak in the knees and fatigued. Aftercare consists of removing constraints, offering water, kissing pain, or a warm massage. It extends love, respect, and reciprocity of trust and care.  

Emotionally checking in means reassuring your partner they are not psycho, unbalanced, or want weird things.  Emotional support is tremendous with humiliation play.  Take the next few days to conquer any ill or negative feelings or effects.  This is a two-way street, not only from Dom to Sub.  I know what you are thinking.  Now that we have discussed the intros of play – where can you play?

Where Can I Play BDSM?

An extensive reviewed list will be going into our reference library. We would love to hear from you in our quest to procure, curate, and vet our reference library. Please submit your experiences with these events and clubs to: [service@tonguechique.com] or instant message us on [Facebook] or FetLife. Your responses are anonymous unless requested.  

This is not an exhaustive list by any means. If you are the owner or a provider of a dungeon or adult club and want a written review, feel free to drop us a line and become part of the most extensive fetish reference library.

BDSM Social Networks, Groups & Clubs

Chicken Ranch (Nevada) [click here]: The famous legal brothel near Las Vegas offers FREE limo rides from Las Vegas to the Ranch.  They have professionals equipped to supply every fantasy you ever thought of.

Fetlife [click here] (Yes, I am on this site – it is fantastic for social and events)

Green Door (Las Vegas) [click here]: The Green Door is better known as a swinger’s club; however, it is mentioned in this article because of the diverse, inclusive, and equal representation of alternative lifestyles welcome at this club.  The club even features a naughty little webcam room; ooohhh la la.  Don’t have a Green Door in your town?  They are looking for franchise opportunities with the right owners!

 

Munchies [click here]: This is an open play social club with several events and meet & greets.  There is a membership fee ($20/mo); however, you receive free entry into an event or educational class per month.

Red Rooster Club (Las Vegas) [click here]: The Red Rooster is an exclusive Lifestyle and Swingers club, AND they have a Father’s Day Extravaganza – so if you are curious, NOW is the time to go!

Signature Experience [click here]: This is another ultimate experience travel curator worth looking into for all experiences for all kinds of relationships and ages.  The average age is between 30-50.

Sin City D Network [click here]: Excellent resource for all things BDSM and fetish, including educational resources, events, and connecting with like-minded individuals.  As with most alternative lifestyle social sites, membership is discreet and must be approved.

Temptation Cruises [click here]: Even though this is technically an excursion, I consider it groups and networking because these cruises are fun AND educational with experience and workshops.  They are currently taking interested party information for February 2023 cruise!

The Cage.Co [click here]: This is a social media site for BDSM life. You will find everything from forums to personal ads and blogs – there is even a magazine full of splendid information.  You will find me on this site as well!

BDSM Dungeons Across The US

Alabama: The Red Chair [click here]

California: Sanctuary Studios [click here]

Florida: The White Room [click here]

Georgia: 1763: A Place of Decadence [click here]

Nevada: No Escape Space [click here]

Nevada: The Sanctum [click here]

New York: Pandor’s Box [click here]

Texas: The Vault [click here]

BDSM Dungeons Abroad

UK: The Secret Dungeon B&B [click here]

BDSM Dating/Hookup Apps

Alt.com [click here]

BDSM Singles Network [click here]

Chained.com [click here]

Collarspace [click here] 

BDSM: Play Safe and Play Often

We have covered extensive information in a short amount of time.  I brushed across several parts of what it means to participate in a BDSM scene and community.  Remember that enthusiastic consent, trust, and safety play a significant role in responsible adult play.  I am excited for you to explore BDSM in your way and share your experience or ask any questions.  Have a wonderful father’s day, my lovelies.

References:

https://helloflo.com/what-is-subspace/ 

https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-bdsm-sex 

https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/bdsm-submissive-therapy-benefits/

https://www.lelo.com/blog/bdsm-beginners-aftercare/ 

2 thoughts on “BDSM: Does Daddy Want To Play on Father’s Day?

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      Crys says:

      We are so happy you found the information you were searching for! Thank you for taking the time to read the article. We’ll have more informative articles to come!

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